Yep! That's me these days.
Anyway, I'm also not a religious person. I was raised Unitarian by a pair of very open-minded liberal parents -- one a hippie, one a punk. Work that one out. -- so I'm very spiritual, but I can't mold into organized religion. It's just not for me. But I do like the idea of "The Universe." I believe when you put good energy out into the universe, you get good stuff back. I guess that's what Christians mean when they pray, or what Wiccans mean when they cast spells, or what Buddhists mean when they meditate... okay, I'm not as knowledgeable about that last one. You get the point.
So, right now I am in a time of crisis. It's usually in these times that you have major epiphanies about your life, and you figure out what an idiot you've been and think, "if only I'd been living my life THIS way!!" I know I am. I'm going over and over the ways I handled my now-former boyfriend and my problems, and thinking, "well if they happened NOW I'd know exactly what to do!" But that's the whole point.
We can't spend our lives judging our past, because we miss the present and then the future sneaks up on us.
All we can do is put good energy into the universe and make ourselves open to getting it back.
So, all of this has gotten me thinking about gratitude. It always strikes me, when I'm in a time of crisis, how TOTALLY AWESOME the tiny moments of peace or positivity are. Like when you find five dollars in your pocket from last week. Or like when you are sitting around in your kitchen making food and your roommates are making you laugh, and you just feel unburdened for a moment. Those are the moments that, when everything is going great, sure, you notice them, but you don't feel that huge rush of "Thank you, Universe/God/World/etc." because you are so damn grateful.
I love those moments. Some of my favorite memories are moments like that, which is strange, because they all take place when things are going really miserably.
For me, anything that gives me a break from my anxiety for a little while -- where I just feel safe, secure, and like I can breathe -- are magic moments. I can thank my friends and my roommates for a lot of those right now.
So I'm trying to say "Thank You" as much as I can right now.
It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, HappyThankYouMorePlease. If you haven't seen it, get your ass to a library or a video store (sob) or an illegal streaming website (okay, okay, we all do it) and SEE IT. It will actively change your life. Anyway, there is a scene where one character, Annie, is on a reluctant date with a goofy guy from her office who completely adores her and finally convinced her to go out with him. She warms to him over the dinner and finally opens up this piece of wisdom:
That's it. The ebb and flow of the Universe. Thank you, more please. (Yes, it's cheesy, but think about it.)
So, I would like to officially put out to the internet (a direct link to the Universe, as we all know), THANK YOU for my little magic moments of peace and positivity in the past few weeks. More, please?